I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
50% drunk capacity currently
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
