so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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