The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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