I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
