Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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