It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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