Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
