it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
