I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
