Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
