The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
