I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
