he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
