You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
