i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
