Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
