Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
