The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
