His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
