Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
