My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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