Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
