well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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