I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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