I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My life is pants optional.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
