I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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