my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
