worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
