Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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