k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
