i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize