her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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