Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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