I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
