smell my finger.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
