Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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