So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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