never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
