video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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