I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
