i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
