i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
