I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
