Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
