Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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