So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
