You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I want is dick and wine.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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