It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize