You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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