Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
