i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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