you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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