we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize