I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
