took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
