Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
