Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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