guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Even my vagina gasped.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
