even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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