So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
