We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
