I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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