Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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