why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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