I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she told me i tasted like america
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
