Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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