This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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