she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
