I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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