oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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