soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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