i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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